Here's to Rushing In

Before I tell you what happened when I ended up back in the dating cesspool, I figured I should let you know why I'm here in the first place.

I'm still trying to figure everything out and I'm not sure whether the tide is going in or out. Perhaps this will help make heads or tails of everything. When a relationship ends, you tend to ask yourself the same questions: why did this happen/what's wrong with me/is ending this a mistake?

The answers seem easier to come by every day. Is it because we rushed into it? Did we make a mistake by rushing out of it? Was it all a waste? All of these questions could be answered with a definite "No."

We loved each other for almost two years and neither of us did the real work that needed to be done. That's not to say we didn't try. You've heard the expression, "work smarter, not harder." That's really what we needed to do. Maybe we could have detached, stopped holding on so hard and formed something genuine. Maybe not.

But there comes a point in every relationship when things are hard and you need help, or to hit a reset button or to remember what you're doing it all for. Instead of doing any of that, you also have the option of giving up. Most people give up on relationships when they're too difficult. We took that route.

We decided not to hit the reset button, get the help of a clinical psychologist or love each other unconditionally. He was on to the next one and I was abruptly motivated to move on as well.

Even though it's been a difficult period in time, at the moment, I'm not clinging on to anything. I'm truly content with the way things ended. And I'm truly content with the path my life is taking. I know things will fall into place and that hindsight will be 20/20.

A few weeks ago I wanted to run back and force everything back together. I fully realize how stupid that sounds. Reading about it makes me feel like an idiot. It felt like I wanted to run into someone's arms because they were thinking about holding onto someone else. I trusted myself and listened when my heart and head told me to run away. It was the best possible decision.

In this last month, I've grown into a person I really respect. I've been on a fast track to understanding all of this and making sense of what happened. I've learned a lot about what makes a genuine relationship and even though I'm still trying to figure it all out, I'm finding it to be a lovely experience.

But next week's post about last week's date should be pretty hilarious. And whatever happens in the weeks to come, happens.

Damn, I'm so zen about this shtuff.

Have you ever let a break up settle and regretted not rushing back? Just wondering.