You want know why? Because most dating blogs talk to you about you as the ultimate being and talk about the other person involved like they're some kind of alien creature. That's delusional, at best. And it can ultimately harm your chances at having a truly healthy relationship or dating life. The other reason this blog is going to follow a different philosophy is because if you follow a lot of conventional advice in most dating blogs, it will turn you one big schizophrenic mess. One minute you're all coy and chill and "giving him space" and the next minute, you're "standing up for yourself", "getting him to see your point of view", and dropping ultimatums like they're hot.
This blog is about learning to date in a radical way. Have you ever read Eckhart Tolle? Studied the basics of Buddhism? Been in a sane relationship without attachment? Then you might get where this blog is going. If not, then hold on to your hats! We're going to be discussing ways to experience sane, modern, dating and non-attached relationships. When we talk about non-attachment dating, we're not necessarily talking about open relationships. Non-attachement relationships can be monogamous, and they stand to be much more fulfilling and freeing than clingy, grasping, possessive conventional relationships.
1.Be specifically and completely honest: The point of internet dating isn't to get the most messages. It's to find someone that you could potentially jive with. When you fill out your profile, be direct and be you. If you're looking for something serious, say that. If you're not comfortable with sleeping with someone until you get to know them, say that. If you're looking for a one night stand, be especially honest. Sure, it might be harder to get laid, but it will save people from investing their time on someone who just wants a piece of tail.
Don't Google someone's interests and tell them that you love the same things. It's weird and it's dishonest. There's no reason to go to that place before you even meet someone. Taking part in that kind of behavior will only get you stuck in something fake.
2. Don't lead people on to get attention. Simply put, don't talk to people in order to fish for compliments. Feeding your ego is super unattractive and it's just not good karma.
3. Don't meet people online if you don't intend on meeting them in person. This one is similar to the last two. It really boils down to one thing and that's being respectful of other people. Don't even put up a profile if you don't really want to meet people online.
4. Don't be crazy. There are tons of ways to be crazy when you're internet dating. Here are a few: checking a potential date's profile over and over again, memorizing it, Googling them incessantly, doing background checks, getting tattoos of their okcupid handle, etc.
5. Don't go into it with any expectations. He might have the best profile you've ever seen. He might be the most beautiful man on the planet. He might dig all of the same things you do. Even if those things are true, don't go into it thinking that you two are the perfect match and all you have to do is convince him. Don't pretend like you don't do it (Come on, ladies. Who are you fooling?).
This kind of thinking will ultimately lead you to a dead end. You'll begin playing the role of his perfect girl. Perhaps he'll play along and get into the role of the man of your dreams. This isn't genuine and you can only stay in these roles for so long. Don't try to impress him. Just get genuinely interested in being present with him. Does that make sense? Eckhart Tolle can help:
In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever.
You can't really build a foundation for this kind of relationship when you begin desperately wanting the other person to be interested in you. I'm still working out the kinks to figure out whether this "wanting" includes sexual attraction. I mean if you're genuinely paying attention to a super good looking man and he's really interested, how are you supposed to deal with that? It's pretty torturous if you ask me.
What do you think?
This was actually all inspired from reading some Eckhart Tolle this past week. I decided to take some of the things we were experiencing and try to incorporate them into a dating blog. I thought it might help this particular dating blog suck just a little less.
If it's not our thing, we can always go back to what this blog was supposed to be about... making fun of dating blogs and telling self-depricating dating stories. We'll see what works.
What do you think?
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