That's me! To the right. And right now, I'm what I'd like to call a relationshipwreck. Paint covered hoodie, stretchy pants covered in some kind of cheese dust, sexy slippers=Relationshipwreckwear... Do I smell a clothing line opportunity?Are you a relationshipwreck? Do you feel stranded, dirty, confused, whiny, starving and crazed. I sure do! I mean, I made up the term to describe what I feel like my life has turned into, that is, if you could call it a life. It's much closer to Cast Away than Sex in the City 2. I'm actually pretty okay with that.
I'm starting this blog to document the upcoming weeks, months, years of my romantic future. I went through a break up a month ago and it's really starting to hit me. I'm not sure why the walls are caving in after 36 days, but they're crumbling all around me. So here's where I'm at:
- I moved in with my parents.
- I bought a ticket to Panama City,Panama.
- I traveled around the Midwest following my favorite band.
- All of that is/was awesome.
- But now I'm sitting in my childhood bedroom. Wondering where to go next.
- I have bags under my eyes the size of Texas.
- I don't think I've had a drink of water in two days.
- I forget to eat.
- As a result, I'm looking pretty emaciated.
- I pretty much stopped brushing my hair.
- I have a dreadlock.
- I listen to way too much Bon Iver.
- I wear stretchy pants every day.
- I troll okcupid.com like it's nobody's business. And it's not nobody's business (double negative fun!), so I do it secretly.
I seriously look and feel like I am the sole survivor of a shipwreck, living my days on a chilly island with WIFI. The best way to cure all of these maladies? Get ready to start dating again! Yep, I'm getting back on the pony fast and I think I'm ready...
Okay, I'll admit it, I'm super not ready. I might be rushing into dating, but it's not because I can't handle living without a man in my life. To be honest, I'm lonely and I'm bored and I want someone to call me pretty. Is that wrong? Eff you, I'm broken hearted. I do what I want.
I never really enjoyed dating before, but I think I'm going to be awesome at it this time (not). But there's still one little problem. The thing is, and I don't mean to sound egotistical about this, but men fall in love with me really easily. It's true, and it's one reason I've been called a serial monogamist. When men fall in love with me, I generally think, "Okay. I can do this again."
I'm a good catch. I have a good job. I'm a pretty lady. I'm smart, intelligent, free spirited, socially minded, eco-friendly and spontaneous. I'm super low maintenance (see: stretchy pants) until I get stuck in a long term relationship that I can't seem to get out of. Then, I'm straight up craaazy. Or unless I just got out of a relationship. Then, I'm also straight up craaaaazy.
But I've coined a new term: Daternator. It's a combination of the words date, detonate and terminator. I plan on self destructing at every possible moment that might lead to a more romantic moment. If a dude gets too into this, I'm going to have to daternate. I'll pretend I'm pregnant with someone else's baby, that I'm an FBI agent or just tell him the truth (what a concept). My plan is to see the world, learn everything I can, and hopefully end up with an Eat, Pray, Love ending to the tale. That's totally possible when you're living in your parents house, right?
BTW, I have my first blind date this Friday. This should be interesting. Wish me luck!
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