Valentines Day Can Suck It

Valentine's Day is tomorrow and you know what that means? It means the interwebs are filled with all sorts of advice on romantic things to do with your significant other, chicks b*tching about being single and alone on V Day, or tips on how to find a date for February 14th. You know what all of this has in common? It sucks. 

It would be easy to b*tch about being single and alone on Valentines Day. It would be pointless to give you tips on how to find a date. If you go out looking super hard for a date the day before a romantic holiday, you know how it will turn out. It's going to suck. The whole ordeal sounds so forced and odd. 


Let's run a quick scenario based on the dude sitting next to me on the train. He's got a black eye and a bad case of rosacia, but I'm on a time crunch here and there are slim pickings on this train. 

First I'd have to start chatting with the dude who apparently loves to throw down fistacuffs. He mentioned giving up caffeine, so I could start there. I'll mention that I gave up caffeine two weeks ago. And since our stop is coming up in 5 minutes, I'll just go right ahead and ask him if he'd like to go out. 


When he says he has other plans, or mentions that he's not into girls who wear hiking boots in urban areas, I'll head right into a tailspin of self-esteem issues. I'll get on a dating site, text every dude in my phonebook, and start pulling my hair out until someone finally bites. I don't care who it is at this point as long as he'll accompany me to dinner. 

We'll sit down at dinner and I'll notice how much lighter my head feels without all of that useless hair. I'll look accross at my date, Bill or Phil or Kevin or whatever, and quickly down a glass of wine to cover up the intense awkward mess that my life has become. We'll talk for awhile and Bill/Phil/Kevin will say all sorts of things that make me uncomfortable given the romantic surroundings. I'll look around and see all of the real couples snuggling and kissing on each other and I'll want to barf/fake it. I'll grab Bill/Phil/Kevin's hand and pull him in for a kiss. It will be so dry and unfamilliar that I'll just grab the bottle of wine and run out of the restaurant. 

I'll spend the rest of my Valentine's day stumbling around on the streets with my bottle of wine, pretending to put heartbreak curses on loving couples who pass me by. I'll get arrested and lick the face of the first police officer that gets within licking distance. After all of that, I'll pass out without brushing my red wine teeth, and before I doze off, I'll get the sinking feeling that I'm going to be doing this next year too. Doesn't that just sound delightful?

Instead of all of that, I'm going to leave the fighter alone. I'll do a bunch of yoga, drink a glass of wine and spend the evening catching up with all my single besties via Skype, then I'll fall asleep to a movie starring Jason Segal. A woman can dream, and I want my VDay dreams to be about that dude.